20081117

MON

JACK

I gotta keep this short because I need to wake up early for a shoot tomorrow.

I can’t believe I paid 70 dollars for a fucking microphone cable today.

I’m not pissed about it. I just like saying pissed and fuck.

It’s an XLR cable by a company named Mogami.

I had never heard of them before, but apparently it’s like a Sound Engineer’s sex toy.

Being that I like high quality stuff; I decided to buy it for the shoot tomorrow. I have to record sound for D.

Although I have a few XLR’s, I wanted to get the perfect one—so that I can troubleshoot problems better; so that if I ever get hums, buzzes or weird frequencies—at least I will know it’s not the cable.

There are so many components to how sound can go terribly wrong and I want to narrow or isolate the odds as much as I can.

I’m hoping that this will be the last shoot in a long while; not because I don’t want to record sound—but I would rather be doing other things.

Today I was cleaning out my parents closet to donate stuff to the thrift store. I detest clutter of any kind. I have a very organized mind.

It drives me bonkers to open a closet and just see stuff piled on top of another…

So I rummaged through everything…and I found a small tiny pearl on the floor after emptying everything out.

That was a very sweet surprise.

On the top shelf there was a plastic bag with a coat inside.

It was very odd because all the coats hang on hangers—but this single jacket was in a bag.

I took it out and noticed that it was a petit female size hunter green Army jacket.

I wondered if this was one of the crazy things I wore as a teenager.

In any case, it was a bit of a psychic moment.

While I was editing my doc (SPLICE), JACK (who is in the film) was always wearing this green army jacket.

I found it so endearing to see him and remember him in that jacket.

When I found this jacket that fit me so perfectly—it made me feel very close to him.

So I put it on and decided to wear from now on.

It’s a symbolic thing; an homage thing…and I feel that it will guarantee that God-willing, if he makes a full recovery from HIV—we will make films together one day.

I’m being very Naive about it; and in denial because I know he is very sick. But it’s the Naivety that keeps me dreaming.

The only problem with this jacket is that it makes me look like a Misfit.

Usually only bad-asses wear this kind of shit.

I suppose I’m a bad-ass.

But I still look young—and don’t want to be treated disrespectfully; then the jacket will just harbor rage.

So when I go shopping with it—I look like a shoplifter.

With all those big baggy “dyke-y” pockets, I really look like I’m game for stuffing candy bars and Duracell batteries as I pass along the aisles.

Lately on a doc shoot, some girl suddenly became obsessed with me. I don’t know why.

We had interviewed her and after we called cut, she just asked me a million and one questions—out of nowhere. It was VERY weird.

She asked me my age. But I didn’t tell her of course.

I felt like withholding it from her just because I wanted to be Sadistic; to not satisfy her curiosities! LOL. It made it worse!

It was all in humor of course…because every time I saw her, I would say, “Don’t come near me” and we’d laugh.

She thought was 22 years old…I was like geesh! Is that a compliment? I don’t want to remember any years under the age of 29 (although I’m way pass that). Bad memories.

In any case, I did not find that flattering.

If some people think I look young—then I really do look like a shoplifter wearing this army jacket. It’s very inconspicuous… I mean, for chrissakes, it’s militaristic.

Hypothetically speaking, I am at “War.”

I am on a Mission in life.

For now, I wear it to be close to Jack.

There is a huge musician’s store called the GUITAR STORE around here.

From the outside, it just looks like a huge sterile Wal-mart with no personality and probably zombies inside.

Since I’ve been back to Denver for over a year now—I had no reason to go into that store.

I’ve driven by it a million times in passing—to get on and off the highway and so forth.

I went there today because I needed this microphone cable.

I must tell you: the experience was SURREAL.

The moment I walked into the doors there was Electricity in the air.

The vibration and energy was so High…bouncing everywhere.

It was like a scene out of a movie, like I was in a Grand Central Station of Musicians…rock musicians, folk musicians…musicians everywhere…

People were passing me left in right with Mo-Hawks and motley haircuts.

And here I was with my shoplifter’s jacket.

I looked like one of them…as though I were some kind of “cool” musician. LOL!

The thought makes me laugh because I have no musical skills whatsoever.

I find “musican” boys very cute however, because they love girls…especially when they think you’re a female musician.

Suddenly they turn from being a pig into a gentleman around ladies.

They have always been kind to me, like puppies in a way…I used to visit friends in studios and all the boys would just get cozy with me; it’s very bizarre.

I find that very cute; I don’t know why.

It’s probably because I like that type of honesty…of being treated like a goddess. You have to have a very soft ego to suddenly turn on an innocent, “non sleazy” charm like that.

There was so much noise, music noise everywhere…People jamming, testing out amps, guitars and so forth.

The sound quality was so professional that I thought they were songs blasting from a stereo. There were people playing some very hard rock, intricate shit.

I felt so Alive in that space, I cannot explain it.

The sales guy told me to go for the Mogami when I asked him what was the difference (between brands), “other than the astronomical difference in price?”

He said the Mogami would never fuck up on me.

Well, that is good enough.