20081113

THUR

THANKS

Back to my dental phobia topic!

I’ll try to keep this short (”right”) because I’m trying to be a good girl and go to bed on time.

Yes, believe it or not, my strange nocturnal hours were partly symptomatic of all the phobias I’ve been trying to address this past year.

So much to talk about…I don’t know where to begin.

Okay, I got my “Gansta” crown put in. Yeah, I have a gold crown now. I haven’t looked at it yet.

I’m saving it as a Surprise. I want to wake up tomorrow morning and look at it.

The dentists were marveling over it when they “installed” it.

I was not kidding when I joked about them being “Designer Dentists.” I was referring to the Rolls-Royce pricing…which is totally killing me.

But they are real artists in a way. They are Jewelers when it comes to teeth.

So I feel as though I have jewelry in my mouth. Now I know why people rob the dead.

I believe I found the right dentist. After so much research and painstaking effort to overcome my phobias—I finally managed to find a place I can really trust.

I trust them because they are very high-tech, detailed, extremely clean, and professional.

The whole place is run very tight—like a ship, all by women.

They are located way out in some weird country-living heck of the woods in Boulder.

It’s VERY RURAL.

Chimes…

the sound of chimes.

They have wind chimes outside the window that faces the dental chair.

When I feel anxious…I hear the chimes…and it slightly gives me something to concentrate on. It soothes my mind.

The story isn’t that simple.

I have been doing a lot of “karma cleansing” and spiritual detoxing to address these phobias.

Deep deep spiritual work enabled me to meet many great authentic and esoteric healers—the real deal.

And then I hit a plateau; my body still went into shock when I’d sit on that dental chair.

If anyone has been following my blog, I mentioned a “divine intervention” experience I had a week ago—when I came across the name of an Acupuncturist in Boulder.

Well, I took a shot in the dark and asked him if he ever used that technique on phobias.

I’m the type of person that does not to work on superficial layers—then inward. I like to work inwardly out, and never deal with physical issues at face value.

Although acupuncture works on the inner (energetic) level—it still does not confront spiritual origins and issues like Ego and Karma.

So I had to address those first.

That is why I chose acupuncture as a last resort; because I arrived at a place where the physiological blockages can really be dealt with now (in a meaningful way).

I arrived at that decision intuitively anyway—so I do not know if “last resort” is really the correct wording. Perhaps “right timing” is more appropriate.

This guy I found, whom I will call “C” is very eclectic.

He doesn’t explain much—in terms of theories.

He won’t dive deeply into all the dietary and energetic stuff about acupuncture. He’ll listen to you—but in the end, he’s just going to practice what he knows best…he will stick the needles on you—and then, let those “theories” work.

So I sort of stopped bullshitting him—by asking him a zillion questions about how all this really works—from his point of view.

I finally allowed myself to see how things go…to just go were the wind takes me.

He tells me he would be very happy if he could heal me to the point where I would never need him again.

I know that when I hear these things: I am meeting a true healer.

Afterward the session I said, “I feel like I smoked three REALLY FAT joints.”

I was soooooo Sedated…so calm.

He then suggested a box of herbal Chinese pills that would help me strengthen the heart and “spirit.”

He said, “I thought about an alternative to ‘Valium’ for you.”

Then he smiled. I guess he was partially joking.

“These pills are herbs…it’s been tested; there is nothing synthetic in it. It is for when the Spirit is ‘down’…these pills makes the heart lighter.”

“Are you saying they’re anti-depressants?” I asked.

“No, not exactly…I don’t know how to describe them. They help the heart not beat as fast.”

“Great” I said, “Just what I needed.”

“And they’re cheap” he added, “Six dollars.”

Before I went to the dentist, I went to the building’s bathroom to apply some essential oils.

I had blended these (aromatherapy) oils especially for “post trauma stress.”

The blend (recipe) came to me from Spirit…and it is supposed to protect me (my aura and mind) from any trauma before or after any precarious event.

In the room where the dental work gets down, the staff keeps a stuffed toy that is shaped like a tooth.

I call it “the drag queen” tooth—but nobody laughs or gets it (doesn’t understand my humor).

I call it that because the stuffed toy is a tooth with a face with lots of Lipstick…in fact, very fat drawn red lips. It’s very cute.

Last time I was here, I asked if I could hold it in order to “de-stress” when I feel anxiety.

I got the idea from my Craniosacral therapist, who told me that the body needs to “discharge” immediately when it experiences anxiety.

He told me that the brain needs to release tension—so even though I can’t do anything while I’m on the dental chairl: like “fight or leave (flight)”—I could squeeze something to release the tension as it happens.

I had asked the dentists if they had anything soft for me to squeeze…so they handed me the “Tooth Fairy.”

Now, I laugh at this because you know, “Fairy?” That’s so gay.

So squeezing the Tooth Fairy really helps me.

Well, I also wore my PAUL FRANK sneakers today… This is really terrible…but I realized that between my FRANK sneakers and the TOOTH FAIRY doll, I look like I was having some kind of child regression fantasy.

My sneakers are so hip—so cool and cute because they are black with the upper lip being the face of a Cat. So there are these big Cat eyes on my shoes.

The Dentists fell in love with them… well everyone loves them.

Even when I am on film shoots—people always asks me where I got my shoes.

The truth is: I got them at TRASH OF VAUDEVILLE (NY)—that last place on earth that you would find “cute” goods. They sell only hard-core thigh-high boots with 8″ stilettos and funky punk rock clothes.

I don’t think all the conventional people that I meet would ever set foot in that store (regardless of whether or not they live in NY).

I noticed that if you want to get on your Dentist’s good side: always wear nice shoes…shoes that are clean or shoes that are cool or can be admired.

I didn’t realize how important the “Presence” of shoes have when you go to the dentists…but I noticed that Dentists always respond to them…and if they don’t like them; they won’t say anything. But it affects their whole mood and subconscious it seems.

It’s VERY weird.

God, they really loved those shoes. And yesterday at the documentary shoot—three people were dying to ask me where I got them when we would cut sound (done shooting).

The way FRANK designed these shoes really animated the animal aspect or something. People really do relate to my shoes like they were cute Cats!

In any case, the Dentist removed my temporary crown today and installed what I call “The Jewel.”

I have to look at new teeth as “jewels” because this way, you really appreciate the dentistry.

However, this was not an understatement… These dentists really treated the gold crown like a work of art.

Apparently, they work with a very good place locally that does all the gold work; all the overlay, inlay, and plating so-to-speak.

I also learned that not a lot of dentist do detailed “architecting” or designing of teeth; but that’s what this office does…they also safely remove all the mercury fillings as protocol when refilling cavities.

The main doctor came in to check up on the work done on me and she was so sweet…”Oh, it is soooo Beautiful” she said (referring to the gold work).

Then she said very sincerely, “Oh, thank you Ji.”

I thought to myself, “What is she thanking me for? They did all the work!”

I think she was thanking me for finding the courage to go through this very difficult procedure and allowing them to work on my teeth; to do beautiful work in my mouth.

I learned a lot about gold plating verses composite fillings; how the body responds to these materials, how conditions (temperatures etc) in the mouth (in relation to materials) affect your hygiene and so forth. I also learned that not all dentists tests their materials; but this one does.

They test the gold to see that it’s pure; that there is no junk metals in there, no fillers. They test the porcelain materials too—to make sure there is not any weird junk debris and weird particles mixed in. They do not deal with labs that they do not know; everything is done locally so they can monitor quality.

They tell me that lots of dentists get cheap crowns made in Mexico or something and there are so many toxic particles in there that some have been known to contain even Lead!

I’m very much hell bent on the holistic side and know that the body goes under tremendous stress when it doesn’t like an unnatural substance.

That’s why although I can’t really afford this type of work; I am determined to do it right anyway. It’s just not worth chasing all kinds of symptoms later on….

The beautiful thing about today was that I managed to go through the whole procedure without Valium.

I managed to build a relationship to the team and now we know how to work on my teeth and phobias together; there is an understanding.

As result of that, things got done very effectively, and I am still looking forward to checking out my new crown tomorrow morning. I’m saving the surprise of it like it’s Christmas Eve or something….

I’m actually very surprised at the turn of events…how things worked out.

I’m very impressed with the acupuncture work and will continue doing it until everything is smooth sailing.

My mouth is so happy now…there is still much more to be done; but it’s really getting back into shape.

All of this cannot happen without Spirit however…it is not just some kind of mental process that is rewarded by pure determination alone. Nor is it just about “man-handling” the phobia physically—like its some kind of wrench that you crank to fix.

You will still never fix your karma that way, and the Ego will continue to wreak havoc or find other patterns; other outlets to reform itself…because Karma is something that needs to be addressed and worked out each lifetime.

Like taxes and death, it’s unavoidable and very much a “debt” one pays as the price for Life.

I am on a Spiritual and Healing path—and realize now that Spirit is always with me.

It speaks to me in ways that I cannot define in words. Sometimes I see the Messages and meaning of the entire vocabulary of my purpose in life in something as simple as the wind.

Sometimes I can hear the wind or see it blow in a certain way and understand everything.

For this reason, I feel very connected to elements like fire, smoke and wind…in the way vibrations of fragrance, plants, and nature speaks to me.

When those doors of sensitivity were closed in me; I truly forgot who I was. And now that I can Feel, I feel very much Alive…I feel its value everywhere.

After they finished with my teeth, L., the chair Assistant says to me, “What are you wearing Ji? It smells so FRESH!”

I said, “It’s an aromatherapy blend I made for myself, I blend my own oils. It’s a post-traumatic stress blend—that’s supposed to protect me before and after and unknown event.”

“Really?” she asked, “If I pay you can you make me some?”

I said, “I can’t do that, it doesn’t work that way?”

“Why” she asked, “I really like it.”

I took the 4 oz glass amber bottle out of my bag and let her inhale it. She fell in love with it.

“Here, you can have it” I said, “Just take the whole thing, I can always blend some more for myself.”

“Let me pay you for it,” she suggested.

“No, I can’t do that. It won’t work.”

“Why won’t it work?”

“It just won’t,” I said, “That’s not how it works. That’s not how these things work. If I take money for it, it’s not the same…it won’t work.”

“Well, what can I do to thank you then?”

I said, “You don’t have to do anything. Look at it this way, if someone gave you a Gift and you paid for it…is it still a Gift? Will it still work (as a gift?)”

She said, “Well, let me give you a hug then!”

So we hugged.