- EAST

EAST

20081113

THURS

EAST

Magic is in the air. In the moment. In my life.

It is a state I cannot describe. It is subtle, refine, human and alive.

Everything I’ve ever wanted in my life is in this moment…and despite Life being in the least bit perfect; everything can be Made Smaller…very small—and incinerated into Dust the moment I put myself into the flow that is Reality—that is Magic.

For months I was thinking of ways to tell D. that although I enjoy working with him—I do not want to be a Sound Recordist any longer.

I started to do it for fun, because I love filmmaking…because I love all his projects. If there were any documentarian to work for—it would be him.

But I never wanted to become a “Machinist;” I cannot confine my personality to a “job.”

And although I learned A LOT about sound recording and invested in pro-gear for my own use—I do not intend to make it an occupation by any means.

Yesterday I had to rise at 5 a.m. to meet him at his house in Denver.

I had arrived the night before to test equipment.

Problem: I didn’t bring my own gear (only my mixer) because I thought he checked out a Sound package—the way he normally does.

But HE assumed I’d bring my kit, and “I” assume he rented a kit.

So instead, we ended sitting down for the evening and having Tea!

LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I actually wanted to leave because I needed to get enough sleep in order to wake up so early.

But we got carried on with our conversation.

While he was talking to me…I kept thinking of when it would be an appropriate time to tell him that I really don’t want to do sound work anymore.

I got what I needed out of it; but I really am not interested in being a “crew” person of any sort. That’s not to say that I do not enjoy sound recording. I actually love it; but not really as a “job” and not really for pay either.

But while we were talking…strange things started to happen.

The thing that “clicked” for me was that D. became incredibly “human.”

I mean, I was looking at him very narrowly as a filmmaker or professional—but totally dismissed the fact that he and I have more in common than I realized.

While we were talking about stuff…he brought up subjects like “karma”—and then he confessed to me his real reasons for having Insomnia.

I don’t know why he confessed this to me: but it was what changed everything.

He said he would often wake up at 2 or 3 in the morning and Edit and that was part of his insomnia. He couldn’t control his time of “inspiration.”

Then, he told me that the reason for this was because while he was young (like 1970s), he had amazing Editing teachers as part of the Union.

He considered some of his teachers to be like “Shamans”—and that they “passed” on something to him that you cannot learn in school or from anyone else.

He said that when he wakes up at 2 or 3, it was because he would enter this mystical experience…where spirit guides would come and pretty much tell him how to edit, and put him in that trance-like state (the flow of editing).

I was totally blown away by this. I mean, I understood it. But NEVER would I have imagined that he’d confess this to me.

He has never told anyone this.

And that changed everything.

I realized that I have an obligation to work for him. I don’t know why.

So now, it is not even about Sound Work any longer. I am supposed to Learn something from him.

Not only this, he goes out of his way and make sacrifices to get my services as a Sound Person.

I am not a technician; I just have a very intuitive feel for sound.

I realized that the guy needs my help because he’s not that interested in a pure technical person.

The reason I stopped wanting to do sound was because it got WAY TOO technical; and took the love out of it for me. I mean, I have to understand all the menus in High-Def cameras and how all these settings work to insure the Sound is good.

We have encountered so many blow-outs and disasters and I want nothing of it. I am just happy with an Analog Mixer and a Mic.

I care really for nothing else but recording sound itself…to get into that flow where you are just moving in the stream of it; and to feel very happy when I get clean, good sound.

In any case, we were talking about all kinds of shit.

Then we went upstairs to his editing room and he shared with me some cutting he’s been doing on that DNC (Democracy) project we started this summer.

He has some very good material. That is a VERY FUN project. I’m sure it’s going to be really good when it’s done.

In any case, yesterday I helped him on his documentary about the Denver Public School system; it’s about rebuilding the work ethics of teachers who are damaged (psychologically) from failed schools. It’s a “rehab” kind of piece; very spiritually oriented in a bizarre way; very progressive.

The day started off terrible. My mixer blew out and all I heard was Static and over-modulation during these really fast moving crucial scenes (that you can’t stop in-between).

I think if anyone saw the expression on my face: it would look like I saw a Ghost. I nearly had a heart attack.

In that moment, I simply secretly decided I don’t want to do this anymore. I hate these technical failures that made no sense.

As soon as I isolated the problem, we stopped taping. The problem was that something in my mixer suddenly started to drain the batteries VERY RAPIDLY. It went from being Full to almost completely drained. That’s why the static was happening…because there was not enough power.

D. was so upset…and I can’t blame him.

I hate these technical failures. In all my years using the old Nagra analog system—I never encountered such bizarre sudden battery drainage.

I am starting to wonder if the high-def Camera was doing something to my mixer. I just never heard of a simple mixer that runs on such low batteries to drain that quickly in a matter of one hour!

I fucking hate Technology. I really love things I can touch, feel and figure out on a rational plane.

In any case, there was a four-hour break in-between—so we decided to go downtown for lunch. We had Mexican.

We started to talk about the sound problems and a bunch of other things. And then suddenly, it seemed he forgave me. He said, “You can redeem yourself at 4 p.m.”

And I believe I did. We plugged the mic directly to the camera and I was able to monitor the sound through my headphones.

The only Bitch about this, is that I can’t record the best sound when I’m tied 10 feet by wires to the camera. I need mobility to really sculpt sound with the mic.

But, it was better than nothing.

So many strange things happened that day. Too much to talk about.

The Karma thing keeps coming up…I mean, so much of the jobs I’ve been doing with D. have involved revisiting my life, my past, my fetishes (unfulfilled expectations and desires) in Denver.

The schools we went to were SOOOO BEAUTIFUL—like really OLD VICTORIAN buildings with amazing woodwork, moldings, huge windows…just the architecture alone was astounding.

I went to elementary schools like that as a child. My favorite school was ROSEDALE..

When I went to revisit the school five years ago: it was boarded up and closed down. I was so depressed.

So in terms of karma, things are “rebuilding,” releasing, transforming and changing in very deep and magical ways.

It is WEIRD that I’m helping him on a project focused on Rehabilitating teacher relationships that all came from Failed schools.

This experience helped me see from the inside-out why ROSEDALE failed. I mean, it is very heartbreaking—because all your memories of the school die too. I didn’t understand at the time, “How” a school actually “fails” (or can fail; close down).

Not only this, the whole program is led by a guy who is heavily into Buddhism and Eastern modalities of mending institutions from a subtle, inner, spiritual level.

I mean, that guy had a card of (or by) the Dalai Lama on his desk.

In any case, I find myself back in these institutions as an adult with a Fresh view on everything.

It is SO BIZARRE taping all these teachers work on their emotions.

The strange thing is that I started to tell D. that I have always had a “Fetish” for EAST HIGH SCHOOL in Denver.

I felt that growing up as a teen, I probably would have thrived at that school—I probably would have been in my “element.”

EAST is a very eclectic school—with diversity from poor to rich. It’s located between the most “East Village-like” (NY) bohemian neighborhoods and the wealthiest of the wealth (Cherry Creek).

It was a school were all the punk rock kids came from…all the social outcasts who’ve found a real positive place to grow up being different.

And because I did not live in that district, I had was not able to enroll in that school.

So yesterday I told D. that I always wanted to go to that school. Not only this, I am AMAZED by the Victorian architecture.

This school is SOOOOO fricken glamorous because it’s laid out so grand…like some scene out the LAST YEAR AT MARIENBAD and only the false pretense of modern hotel, like THE BELLAGIO hotel (in Vegas), can try to emanate.

We’re talking about huge pillars, sculptures that suspend three stories high and the whole nine yards.

I could ONLY IMAGINE what it looks like inside (I had never been).

So I told D., just yesterday, “I am SOOOO DYING to go inside that school! I can’t imagine what it looks like inside. It must be so inspiring to go to school, being inside a building like that!”

Late yesterday, D. says to me, “Are you available next Tuesday?”

I’m like, “Why?”

LOL.

I laugh because I said it in a really defensive way! Like, “What do you want NOW?”

LOL.

He said, “I might need you to do sound again?”

“Do I have to?” I whined.

He gave me a sarcastically condoning look.

He said we might need to shoot for this project next week as well.

To be honest I was really HOPING I would not be doing sound for a while.

I said, “Well, let me know if it’s really gonna happen cause I got shit to do that day.”

He said, “As soon as I know, I will let you know immediately. I’ll let you know tomorrow.”