20080826

TUES.

TASTE

I feel physically like shit. My rhythm is totally off from waking up around six-thirty to seven in the morning since Friday.

I normally go to sleep at 11 in the morning—as I am a Night person—and stay up long hours (sometimes for two days) without sleep.

I had to pull off this morning thing because I was getting more freelance work doing Sound for D.’s shoot.

The only reason I don’t have to work the rest of the week is because I told him I won’t go on location for shoots pertaining to protests where people plan to riot or get arrested (during the Democratic convention).

I realize that most of my employment will occur during this week—as a lot of shit is going on; but I am not doing it for the money anyway—despite the fact that having some income would be nice.

I am still not sure if I am over my “deconditioning” process.

It’s been a year and three months now that I began my “social detox”—to cleanse my soul, my karma—and develop my spiritual path.

The only reason I started working is because I love filmmaking—and got the opportunity to work on some good docs once I met D.

I don’t want to go to these shoots just to earn income; that’s not enough of a reason for me.

I’m not rich, and in fact, I’m getting low on living off of my savings—but I intend to go as far as I can without compromising my spiritual integrity.

After having worked close to a month now on Sound, I realized that I really enjoy it. I never thought I would say that; mainly because I never considered myself an “industrial machinist” (”crew” or mechanic that does only one specific task in an industry).

Filmmaking to me is a lifestyle and is about Art.

So to be “crew” means you resigned to Glamor High-End Factory Work; where no one has any liberties for true expression. Although filmmakers often deceive themselves  that they’re making art based on industry Awards that support this view (aka business monopolies and conventions recycling the same shit to sell more shit).

Art is free from Industry. Art is free from Everything. You can use Industry to make Art. But Art is NOT industry…in fact, it breaks industry. Once Industry picks up on Art—it’s no longer Art. It’s Cola.

I still don’t consider myself a machinist. However, I’ve developed a bit of a Fetish for Sound work.

Although I’ve only spent a few weeks doing it on and off—I’ve become extremely good at it.

After observing, seeing and hearing about how other people record sound, I realized why D. hired me to begin with.

I realized that not very many people Care that much about Sound. They just point the boom where the sound is coming from—and that’s that.

Once D. insisted that I learn to use a few mixers—I fell in love with the ROLLS field Mixer. It stood out for me as a very human and simple device that compliments the way I move and think when I record sound.

Since then, I met very technical people—”Gear heads” that know every single insanely detailed element of sound.

They told me that the ROLLS is an “Okay” device for filmmaking purposes—but that “Professionals” usually go with something more serious, like a BERINGER or rigging a mixer (that’s typically for a rack system) into a more compact and portable component.

I’ve never really fallen for Tech Talk. I love Techies and learn tons from them; but that’s all they’re good for—Information and fixing Machinery. Sometimes I talk like them—but that’s just because I’m often possessed by a curiosity for details.

But I don’t want to be a Sound Engineer or a Tech Head. I just need something very basic and intuitive…I don’t want to spend my time tweaking every nuances of sound; that would just Kill it for me.

I enjoy Listening to sound; and experiencing it. I believe that most of the Art of sound recording is Yogic anyway—it’s a relationship with the human being.

And a lot of my sound recording is good because it has to do with how I “morph” and move my body in relation to sound; in knowing how to handle and point the mic in a way that “textures” the images being captured.

I don’t always mic for what the camera person is filming—I go for extra nuances and for harmony if other things are happening in the background. Sometimes I mic to intentionally cancel out things…and sometimes I go for extreme detail.

I don’t believe that Sound Recording is a straight and narrow process: and that is how most people record sound…they just point to where the “volume” is coming from.

For me, it is a very organic experience: and I don’t like too many knobs and technicality that gets in the way of Sound that is otherwise—very Pure and “edible”—the way it is.

It is strange to me how my Hearing is changing.

Now, I sit and hear the wind moving as I write. I never did that before. Sometimes I am amazed at how wind can sound like the ocean…especially when it is flowing through trees.

In a dense forest, the wind sounds like a rapid river is nearby. It’s so organic…Sound.

Because I often meditate, I learn how to automatically “cancel” out noise that I don’t want in my mind. Just as you can close your eyes when light is to bright—you can mentally also cancel out sound.

I believe that the Sound work I’m doing is part of my spiritual process; that it’s not just because I’m “meant” to be a “sound person” or something…

Just as Aromatherapy has heighten my sense of Smell, and Cooking has heighten my sense of Taste, Sound Recording has heighten my sense of Hearing.

Film Editing for me—heightens my sense of Movement, Rhythm and Detail. It is more than just a Visual experience…because that which is Visual is dead without Light.

It is Light that makes an image come alive; and I do not mean “a lot of bright lights.”

What I mean is that Light is always Moving…even if we do not see it move; it is like Oxygen in that way…everything is moving; and Sound and Smell is the same way.

I did something today that is real bad in terms of money management. I spent all the money I earned from D. up to date on professional sound gear.

I decided that I wanted my own Sound equipment: so that I get to know every Cable, every machine, every piece of Equipment intimately…so that I will never have to guess if something shorted out or not working properly.

I don’t intend to make a career out of Sound Recording…but I think as a filmmaker—it’s good to own your own shit anyway.

I don’t feel that way about Cameras—because I’m not dumb enough to try to keep up with Technology (which is all a scam).

Film and Video cameras technology become obsolete in months and in a matter of a few years; it’s a high competitive industry that is cut-throat and waste a lot of the consumers’ time and money: learning and relearning a new or supposedly “advanced” technological breakthrough.

To me, this is actually “backwards” technology and also unethical business. Anything that you create that cannot last—is destructive.

Things must be made to benefit and last as long as possible. They must have Value; and value alone cannot be measured by expedience and pathological needs for conveniences.

Quality of image—an obsession by filmmakers—is so wrongfully skewed. So many Idiots believe quality is in “clarity” and extremely “clean detail.” And nothing could be more Ugly—from an Aesthetic point of view. This type of Value, this type of “Quality” is like clean nasty Airport Foods. People buy it because they’re stupid.

With this said, you can’t really go wrong by investing in Sound and Lighting equipment.

If for whatever reason, the sound industry decides to Eradicate the XLR cable: then I will never invest in Sound equipment again; what that would demonstrate is an industry that is not moving forward—but rather backwards.

Technology that changes too fast is a conduct based on Enslavement.

I love the fact that the ROLLS mixer is a VU or Analog device. The fact that I can still mix on analog into a digital (and even HD) video device—is exceptional and I admire Sound equipment that can be ever so basic and simple—yet versatile enough to sustain changes in technology.

I often contemplate about how the NAGRA device got wiped out of the planet; how that manufacturer and industry completely evaporated once film equipment and media went digital.

How this technological “genocide” happened, I can understand—because the NAGRA, like its sister Editing devices, depended on tape in order to record and edit film. Hence, with the advent of digital…blah blah blah.

But I am often amazed at how new technologies can slaughter other technologies literally overnight; sparing it (the industry or manufacturer) no time—to readjust or keep up.

The Media and Digital manufacturers are the most dangerous and destructive of all kinds. They are rather irresponsible and selfish.

Why? because they don’t want to agree to a Standard; they are in a constant race to design or invent an proprietary technology that will enslave the entire world; that’s why no one agrees on Formats.

They want to be the ones that invent the MP3 codec, or the CD or DVD disc…and now you have Blue Ray—and God knows if that’s going to stick…

Everyone is in a Race to Dominate. The only way you can fight it: is don’t Buy it. Make them accountable.

Just wait for the trend to settle. If  you wait, the industry may very well realize that they need to test their shit out first (for human-friendliness)—or no one’s going to buy it.

But because of our Egos (insecurities)—we believe every piece of shit technology as long it oozes with glamor, branding and prestige….

That’s why I try to steer clear of burning my money and energy on Camera equipment.

I think it’s a total scam. I am quite happy with Mini DV. I don’t need HD and D this and D that…you know, in the end, it’s not about the Technology: it’s about depending on your talent, your common sense and human ability to think and create.

The camera and media industry is a backwards-driven technology that is under a false impression that killing off one technology to create a “better or faster” technology is revolutionary or evolutionary.

This is false, because as long as you keep producing Waste and inciting Consumer Waste—you are Not evolving but creating bondage devices that cannot sustain life, people, or transcend time.

That’s part of the reason why people are so “wired” (stressed) today; why they can’t relax or unwind…why no one has any “contemplative time.”

Much of this is because the pace of technological development is moving too fast…because it is an attitude that does not care about the human being’s pace.

Today, industries are so greedy that they don’t spend enough time Researching and Testing. They throw some hot new piece-of-shit Plastic (they call “technology”) out there and create a maze wherein millions of people test out the equipment for them like Guinea Pigs.

It’s highly unethical; and that’s why I refuse to become a Gearhead.

I stick to buying things I can touch and feel…and Sound Recording stuff is perfect—because Cables, Buttons, Knobs, Microphones, Batteries and Boom poles don’t really change that much….they are very people-friendly; as result of that, you can spend more time on Creativity than figuring out shit with a manual that doesn’t explain anything whatsoever….

I met a Sound guy named Joe yesterday whose a Genius tech-head; he tells me while we were at a crew meeting that he can hear a Car running its motor outside and give an exact number on how many Ohms it’s measured at…down to exact the decibel.

That’s what technical sound people do—they train their ears to know every aspect of sound and equipment on a Scientific and Technical level.

But I’m the type of person that is convinced that Science doesn’t know Truth and will never provide Truth.

Science is called science is because it is based on things that are concrete and can be concertized.

Truth cannot be concertized…Truth is transient and Free.

With that said, I later met Joseph for dinner at PETE’S DINER on Colfax and asked him what it was like working with Joe as a sound person.

Joseph told me it was a bit of a nightmare.

Apparently as much as Joe knows every numeric aspect of Sound, Gear and has the hearing of a German Shepard—he evidently has no feeling relationship to sound whatsoever.

He also apparently does not have any body awareness in terms of the relationship between the camera and the mic.

Joseph said he ruined so many shots by sticking the mic so close to the person that he constantly had to compromise his shots. Since most of the work we’re doing is documentary—you can’t rehearse or redo these things.

I realized while talking to Joseph that the reason we work so well together is because he used to do martial arts—and that is an art form that is all about grace and movement.

That’s why when we do camera and sound together—it’s like an intuitive dance. We don’t “think” about it; but it’s body awareness and a feeling relationship to your surroundings that captures proper imagery and sound.

He said he was actually surprised that Joe was such an awful sound person—and that also caught me by surprise. Based on his incredible knowledge about sound—you’d think he records amazing sound.

It was then that I realized how hard it is to find a good sound person…and why D. noticed my sound work—although I wasn’t even doing it professionally.

I operate entirely by Common Sense—and they say that common sense is NOT “common” at all…so in that regard, I guess my method is kind of rare.

I’m starting to feel concerned that if I develop a sound fetish—I’m going to be soooo picky when it’s time for me to shoot a narrative film again. I will probably be the first director in the world that directs while also recording sound! Who knows? I think that would be really funny!

Why not? Most artists shoot their own shit anyway. There is some kind of arrogance that directors should stand behind or near the camera—rather than next to the sound person.

The problem is, I want to do the shooting, the sound and the directing!

I am convinced now that it makes complete sense for me to wear headphones to hear what the sound person is hearing when I direct my next film.

D. hates wearing headphones with a passion—and what a mistake. He loves good sound and trusts his sound people—but for me, it’s not a question of Trust, it’s a question of Taste.

I don’t see any reason why people who stand behind the camera questioning the Taste of an image—don’t feel the same way about Sound. I would love to hear what’s going on—I’d loved to know the textures that are being picked up.

Anyway—onto the next topic:

I’m not too worried about my workload after the Democratic convention week, because I know D. just got a huge budget to do another documentary.

He didn’t say if he would hire me for it; but I’m sure it would be an incentive after I tell him I bought my own exclusive sound gear. I even ordered a pair of BEYERDYNAMIC headphones.

I know nothing about the true quality of those headphones…I saw a photo of it online and got a “hard on.” I get hot over beautifully designed equipment…I’m telling, you Sound Fetishes are like femme fatales…

But my instincts were very correct because when I mentioned to Joe that I had the hots for a pair of headphones online—he named the EXACT brand and model number that I looked at! So, I’m on the right track at least!

You see, I don’t know scientific stuff—but I do know the Truth!

D. tells me he got a huge grant to do a doc that requires traveling to three states in the East Coast.

I asked him if I could come (and I always say these things in a joking way). He didn’t say he’d take me along.

But I figured if he had the budget for it and wanted me to do sound for those shoots—I’d love to go back to the East coast—esp. for documentary purposes.

Chances are, he’ll probably travel and hire professionals in each state—as he has been doing for all his out-of-state shoots.

But I noticed that every time he returns from one of those shoots—he’d complain about the Sound person! LOL! So maybe, I’ve got a shot at this.

I know he also has a shit load of other projects on his plate; this has been a very strong year for him. So I’m not too worried about whether or not I’m going to put my new sound gear to use…

I told Joseph too that if he wants to shoot a short, I’d be more than happy to do sound for him. It helps to have some basic gear. I already have a DVX 100 camera—and that’s just as good as any—even if everyone else is stupid enough to go HD.

Aside from all this, I REALLY need to return to finishing up my OWN projects. I still have SPLICE on the plate—and am putting off color correction and sound design—because I’m deathly afraid of the time involved with it.

Once I work on something—I tend to have to block out everything else.

It’s like dating or something: I’m not one of those people who can see two people at the same time. That’s why I put off finishing SPLICE, because all my energy is on D.’s shoots right now.

Speaking of dating, D.’s producer has a really attractive secretary.

Unfortunately, she’s pitifully young—like Freshman year in college.

Although I don’t think age makes a difference—I do find young girls incredibly Stupid; especially American ones.

I also don’t think it’s smart for me to spend my energy on all the planning that is involved in hooking up with someone. Acting out on infatuations is just so time and energy consuming.

I know that Animals spend all their days excreting odors and growing feathers or changing colors to get laid: but I am convinced that the Human being has to transcend that way of living…which many don’t.

Many people do spend all their time on earth excreting perfume and growing breasts or enlarging their muscles just to get laid.

I used to see the point of it; but now it makes no sense to me whatsoever.

Besides, what am I going to do with an 18, MAYBE 19-year-old girl?

The only thing a Lesbian is truly capable of is to break another woman’s heart…so unless I really want something out of this—I better forget about it; because some lifelong damages are guaranteed to occur (maybe not to me; but to someone this seemingly innocent).

The only reason I like her is because she’s so fucking Pure. I do not mean virgin wise—I mean, Energetically.

Although the first time I met her, it was in the Dark—I didn’t really see her.

I was recording Sound…in fact, I was in the middle of recording Medea during her first interview in the studio (which is Amazing by the way).

I didn’t even really “see” this Girl—but I could see that something very pure had entered the room. Then I realized that she’s very pretty and not to mention graceful….

I had forgotten about her since…but one day, on the lawn, I was struggling with equipment, trying to fix some sound issues with Joseph’s camera. I looked up to see her standing above me—staring very innocently and intently at me.

She stood there quietly gazing down at me, unflinchingly without a word.

I didn’t understand that look…it took me a few days actually to figure it out.

It was a very pure look: similar to the way children or a cat can’t help but stare at something—because they either want to or like to… and I love that shit…I love that kind of purity of soul or ego-effacement.

We walked together to the producer’s car and I asked her what she was up to. She told me she was his secretary and I said, “Oh, I feel bad for you.”

The producer is a joke…he’s a guy with a lot of money but knows nothing about filmmaking whatsoever. He’s also extremely neurotic and paranoid.

He really pissed me off that day because I don’t like to film or be around anarchist’s demonstrators in the first place. But I went because I was asked to just come to shoot a very simple scene of Iraq War Vets getting their hair cut; then I could leave.

But before we got there, we had to have a production meeting, and all the Producer did was scare the shit out of us. He told us he had “real Israeli gas masks” that he bought from directly from Israel, “the real” deal and offered it to us if we wanted one.

I think the only reason I would want one is to sell it! That’s just crazy.

They cost him about 500 dollars each or something. He told us all kinds of crazy shit—to prepare for being gassed or getting hurt in a riot.

I was so pissed afterwards. He’s so paranoid—and it put me in a really foul mood.

I said to his secretary, “I’m sorry, I don’t know if you like him…but, I still feel bad for you anyway!” and Laughed.

She seemed to put up with my strange sense of humor. Then when I told her what a paranoid neurotic freak he was—this smile bloomed on her face as she agreed.

Later, D. told me that she was the producer’s Daughter. Which turned out to be a rumor.

Oh God, I knew there could be no blood relation there.

In any event, I’ve just accepted that anything that pretty that enters my life is just a gift from heaven: the way a flower blooms for a few days—and dies—and that’s all.

You know, you don’t have to own everything you like or passes by. It would be nice, but the gratitude of ownership is not the same as accepting and appreciating something for what it is. I know that I only mean that in theory….It is a nice theory anyway.

I don’t have a thing for young girls or age differences in general. The only reason I allow myself to like women half my age is because I still look twenty-something; so it comes with the territory.

I have an ageless spirit and will probably be this way until the day I die. Most of my friends are half my age—but it’s not because I planned it that way; it’s probably because they think I’m (energetically and characteristically) their age.

I don’t act “mature;” That is to say, I haven’t been conditioned to be an adult. And I never will…

Next.

I told D. I might work on Thursday if they need me to record sound for the Immigrants marching…I don’t mind doing that—because I can’t imagine them getting violent with cops.

Even if they are not shooting that, I might consider coming because I desperately miss the women of CODEPINK.

I didn’t blog yesterday because I was too damn tired.

But here is the CODEPINK story, from my diary: EVOLVE