20080728

MON.

URGES

My day has been blessed today with auspiciously cool weather, fierce breeze, light skies finished by a red-orange sunset—smeared like finger painting.

I am feeling much better today than yesterday; where I went through a fit of “spiritual dismemberment.”

A few days ago when Judith transferred some healing powers inside of me, I knew that I would go through a healing crisis.

Although she was simply healing me so that I can overcome my karmic issues in life: I knew that she was initiating me.

My life has not been the same since: and I immediately began to heal myself and other things (an injured insect) with my own hands. I’ve not yet had the chance to practice on another human being (other than myself) yet.

I told her, “I’m probably going to have a healing crisis after this.”

She said, “How about being opened to the possibility that you won’t have a healing crisis this time, and that things will actually feel Great and nice?”

I said to her, “I actually LIKE having healing crises! This way I know something is actually happening!”

I referred my sister to Judith when she was visiting Denver a few weeks ago. I warned her, “Watch out, expect to have a healing crisis afterwards—because a lot of energy is going to be moving!”

Ha! She saw Judith twice and on both occasions—the healing put her in a state of Euphoria and removed all unnecessarily tensions in her body. She was sort of wondering what I was talking about—because she felt great!

As for me, I expect to have Upheavals because I’m actively working on my Spiritual path.

Additionally, I have Kundalini risings—so everything gets activated in me; largely because I am now opened to it; I am not afraid of it anymore—although it is still very rough to deal with.

When Judith initiated me—I was able to experience things that were remarkably real; the reality of certain ancient Deities manifested in me and gave me such intense feelings of joy. In addition to that, I was able to see Judith’s energy field and her spirit guides; something I never knew I was capable of (I’m not into occult powers or seeing things).

That incident altered something in me. I realize now that what we believe to be Real in life are not—and that the things we cannot see or understand—are more real and powerful than we realize.

Then the healing crisis kicked in yesterday: full-blown.

I have been Receiving and Outputting so much energy; I feel entirely devoured. I woke up today with this strange compulsion to purify myself—to clean everything religiously and to put away all my paintings and art supplies. I didn’t want to look at anything.

Enveloped in a mystic state of utter darkness, I felt nothing but the tyranny of a spiritual loneliness I have not felt in a long time. The feelings were so intense that I thought I was going to have an anxiety attack: but then I managed it by realizing that the inflow/output of energy was too much…I had to meditate and heal myself.

I realized while it was happening that I was going through a Transmigration of sorts.

I believe that we “die daily”—whether unconsciously or consciously. For me, I am dumping so much karma and bringing in so much energy—so rapidly that I am very much aware of this feeling of “dismemberment”; when you lose all your boundaries and start to chop and slice away at your Persona.

Then finally, a semi-dawn broke for me today: as I remembered my Self.

And in that moment, I was situated on top of the highest element of my being—and looked at my experience from that perspective.

It became clear to me that we live in a body of Delusion…that the Self is never separated from God; only our minds, body and transmigration experiences fools us.

I accept the Darkness of life—and all the Evil things that exists in the underworld of our existence. I do not deny them and are no longer afraid of them. I know they are real and honor them; I also try to protect myself—so that they would leave me alone.

Evil, like Love, are such real forces in life.

People have no idea how they invite one or the other. All it takes is “Habits” to move you up or down the spectrum between Love and being spiritually Debased; that’s how dexterous Karma is—the law of action—it doesn’t discriminate.

Like Nature—it goes where your habits (conscious or unconscious) decide it to go.

I’ve been thinking of Goddess Kali a great deal; ever since yesterday.

I think about her because I realize that Life cannot exist without Darkness and Light.

If you worship a God that is only Light—then you are bound to fear Evil. But if you can see that God devours itself—in order to satiate its own hunger for darkness (and change)—then that God is disseminating Evil and keeping at it bay for you.

Only God can consume itself, can shut or close its own eyes, its own lips; and Evil is part the reality; of that matrix—these lower worlds, which includes Earth.

It was in this moment that I finally understood the concept of human and animal sacrifice in sacred rituals: why blood, gore and life is given up to a God.

I knew what it meant symbolically. So I meditated on allowing Kali to “consume my flesh; the flesh of my demons, of my mind and of my karmas.”

For if she does not consume them who will? The demons would consume me. So I’d rather give them up to her.

That is why I wrote the poem, SACRIFICE, yesterday.

It came spontaneously out of my subconscious in a matter of five to ten minutes. But the line I like most is the end where I’ve “given” her my Hate…that I Hate and feed her my Anger.

If there is no God to eat your Hate and Anger—where does it go?

It consumes You.

So the Goddess of Darkness—is a Great service to humanity; when she is not Honored and not Fed, Evil consumes Life. It is our Sacrifice of our Knowledge, Ego and Ignorance that we give her—in order to be spared her ravage.

When I go through these healing crisis (or moving A LOT of energy at once) I end up in a very immovable state. I can’t see anything other than that reality. I merge with Darkness.

It is very important to go into the Darkness—to feed its thirst. It is a sacrifice of the Ego and the Lower Self—to feed Darkness all your demons and the honesty of all your misgivings.

Why do people not trust “Happy” or “Peaceful” people? Like Priests, and Monks and those walking around enforcing a mantra of “Love and Light”?

We don’t trust them because they are not Balanced, they are not Real.

Real people have emotions—have Bitch Modes—have Kali in them. Real people navigate between both worlds in order to understand one another.

If you do not have Bitch Mode—where do your demons go? For you surely have them.

Thank Women for having PMS…because as result of that, they do not need to Rape, Kill, invent Bombs, or start Wars.

This morning (or afternoon rather) I emerged out of bed at 3 p.m.

I had been up editing (video) all night—because I can only cut pictures when the weather is cool.

The grace of God has given Colorado spectacular mountain breezes come nightfall—despite unrelenting heat waves that scorch the earth all day long….

Last night was particularly auspicious because I knew that I wanted to be awake at a time when I was most vulnerable.

That was the other reason I wanted to Edit late; because I wanted to curtail my vulnerability to Evil energies. I knew I would “digest” the dark energies (I was enmeshed in) by remaining awake.

Every once in a while, the air will go “flat” and a dead cold presence enters my space. I used to ignore this feeling—until I realized that they would often be followed by Evil Predators—disembodied energies trying to steal souls or Awareness (no matter how “good” or conscious you think you are).

Evil is a force of Nature, it is like Love—in that it seeks you out.

Just as we invite Love into our lives, we also invite Evil. Whether we like it or not, part of being human is learning to decipher and deal with those invitations.

When the air gets this way and I find myself receiving/releasing a lot of energy—auspicious things would happen.

I’d find dark debris and “web clots” spun by spiders manifesting on the ceiling (often only in my room and no other place in the house).

I noticed a pattern that when this happen, I would be vulnerable to all types of energies.

So I learned how to deal with this on a practical level—in order to keep myself from being psychically attacked.

Throughout my life, I never imagined myself as being a mystic or shaman of any sorts. Largely, I was unconscious and in denial of it; but later in life, as I accepted my spiritual path—I realize that all these things that were happening to me—are no imaginations nor outside the boundaries of my control.

When I look back at my dreams, all my exposure to Evil forms and attacks that has happened to me; I’ve come to understand early on that one’s Karma is a very sensitive cloth, with many layers—and is food for prey.

My first healer was a Shaman who has exorcised people from demon evasions while their auras were vulnerable—due to use of hard drugs.

I used to imagine how I’d hate to be in his shoes; because all those things scared the hell out of me.

He told me that Jung (Carl Jung) fought many demons and visited many dark realms, sewage cities of blood baths in order to survive and translate his understanding of the unconscious and underworld phenomenon.

I had always shuddered at the concept of facing Evil directly.

But later in life, I have had one too many encounters and realize that ever since childhood—my fear of Evil was justified.

I learned to always Respect it; that was my Intuition—to allow it its place and its life. To neither invite them nor bring them close to your being—but to not deny that Evil exists. And in this way, I found this attitude enabled me to cope with the reality easier.

Because I have had to so many healing crisis—I have gone into the “underworld” in my own personal way—I’ve transmigrated, even if symbolically.

As result of these total “dark” phases I go through—when I am filled with Anger, Hate, and Negation—I am completely Unable to see the light.

By becoming accustomed to deal and enter into darkness this way, I’ve learned to overcome my fear of Evil…

I see now that Darkness is an extremely useful part of life and that without out—there cannot exist any movement or process for change.

There would be no Death.

We know this is untrue. Death does exist.

We know that Death exists—but we see it as “bad” dark or something to avoid. It is Fear of our Selves (and what we are not in control of) that paints this portrait of Death; and this perceptive is extremely unhealthy—because it involves a Denial of Life altogether.

The Invitation of Death—is what helps you overcome your own Demons—and to recognize Evil around you—when you experience it.

If you do not recognize Evil—you become prey to its habits. You see only “Good” when really—you are devoured by dark unconscious tendencies—which you refuse to see or account for.

Address your Darkness—Sacrifice your Hatreds to it—and feed the Gods who CAN redeem you.

In this regard, I’ve developed an entirely new respect to Kali and so many other Hindu Gods and Deities. They are not make-belief or pure icons—but are symbolic realities that are indeed Realities. They are “symbolic” on in the regard that the Symbol is the most powerful realm of the Soul and the Psyche.

Symbols are more real than the Body. They heal effectively and directly.

The Body dies. Symbols do not.

People who consider themselves “Average” have no clue that they are actually Possessed.

They do not consider it a possession because they’ve accepted many value systems that tell them a certain behavior or experience they have is Okay.

But if you look at the Cruelty that exists in the human hearts of so many “day-to-day” people—you will realize that Karmically, they are totally undertaken… that some habit is devouring them—against their own awareness.

The advent of the Internet reveals so many things about Life and the Inner-Psyche of humans that we’ve never been exposed to before.

The sickness of the addiction people have to Facebook, Virtual Realities and the Cruel, Senseless and Debasing comments people spew all over cyber space: are all indicative of an Energetic Possession (Evil and Habitually Ravenous) by nature.

Many people are convinced that the way they think and automated to behave online for instance is “natural”—that they are just “socializing” or finding an outlet.

But in truth: they are Possessed.

They simply are not sensitive enough to themselves in order to realize it; they have no clue what pain and suffering they cause—which come out of a result of their own damaged Karmic bodies.

Each “click” or response or engagement they partake in–increases a habit of automated subconscious addictions. What are addictions? But a form of Greed?

If these people died today–through a freak accident–they would go to God calling out their Username and Password; that is how the law of karma works–instead of going to their so-called “Heaven”–they ask God “What happened to my Facebook account?”

I am being facetious but I am also expressing the truth. What you form today becomes your karmic body; your clothing that wraps around your sense of identity–it goes deeper than your own bloodline.

The days of Psychology are over—in the regards that the new discussion today must accelerate beyond the Unconscious, beyond the Psyche and beyond the more Psychoanalytical aspect of the Self.

We must move into a New Language now—were we are forced to understand our Karma, our Psychic Habits and the Self—as it relates to the Spirit and the Soul.

We have no choice—because society has driven us this deep and this far down into the Sewage and Gutter of Life.

The dark manifestations of the world—with regards to Greed, Addiction to Attention, Separation from Self and Selfishness—is nothing more than a huge manifestation of people Possessed by their own Unconscious energies; thereby inviting Evil to perform its rituals—in day-to-day life.

I do not expose myself to news and media; but just a little bit of it makes me realize that we are living in a type of Hell.

When I read stories of how “society doesn’t care anymore”—and how people aren’t helping each other—even if they are laying dead on the street; it is not only heartbreaking, it is clear phenomena of Evil having taken its position in the habits of human psyches.

These things become “ordinary” now… to the point where people turn Numb and Fearful of everything in response to the callousness and obscenities of the world.

But the truth is that Media and everything you are exposed to is Manufactured by Evil itself: by the lust and greed of power and money—which can only feed you Information that will entrap and entomb you.

Take for instance, when a “News Worthy” source prints an entire article on some kind about new Internet technologies and praises the petty nature of a Widget that allows you to buy virtual beers online—and then followed by claims of how some 18-year-old nerd who invented it is flipping it over for millions of dollars etc…. what type of Salivating goes on in the readers’ minds?

Something that STUPID, as charging for fake (non existing) beer to gain the Attention of fake (friends whom you’ve never met) on Facebook, Myspace or what not—is written with some galore, praise and boasting of some presumed worth, status and wealth.

You can see the reader Salivating over these sensationalistic empty get-rich-quick and “I wish I could do invent something like that and get rich” schemes.

Even, if the article means nothing, someone reading it will subconsciously, think “Maybe I should get in on that—since I want to be ‘current’; fit in with society and be up-to-speed.”

Simple exposures like that start to Program this vacuous, greed and lust into people’s psyche based on something entirely Artificial.

So News, Media and Information in general should generally not be trusted—because no one is doing anything really Worth mentioning—but rather, only to be Debasing, Demoralizing and Manipulating and controlling people: all for Ads, Revenue.

Everywhere you look in life; everything you touch that is invented by a “Human being” these days is saturated with Greed. Why?

The Media has long figured out how to make masses of people Slaves by controlling their Emotions; Irrational and Insecure (base, reactionary unconscious) natures…their Fear sensors, their Triggers for fight or flight…and their hunger to be have Attention (Worth and Love).

None of this I’m writing should be of any surprise. Everyone knows it’s going on. Yet a very few wants to think it’s Abnormal.

It IS abnormal, and it should never become the norm.

As people devour and eat each other up, they raise their faces with gore dripping from their lips and say, “Why is the world so cruel and callous?”

We are Demonic, because we cannot face our own Demons.

In America we deny our Demons by “thinking positive” and avoiding the slightest offense of the tongue: yet all we do is Drag the innocent on the stage of newspapers and TV while we Cheerfully, Optimistically, root and exploit them.

We are Demonic, we cannot face our own Dark natures.

Go figure.

I no longer buy into this brainwashed concept of “positive thinking” or “you’re thinking negatively” concept that so many Ignorant Americans preach.

They say this to Push you down—so they can Devour you; to keep you from exposing their True selves.

It is entirely irresponsible to deny others the capacity to address Reality—for what it is.