20080627

Friday

GODS

(excerpts)

Last night I had a Dream:

In the dream, I was in a school environment with all the 20-year-old kids I studied with in film school.

There where three Masters in the school. They were all men and much older. Apparently they were very well-known filmmakers and were authoritative as result of their reputation. The students (primarily male) feared them as they would fear God.

There was an opened space that was almost like a stage where each student had to demonstrate a film they would make. In front of everyone, in pitch darkness, the student would film something and the audience (students) in the background would watch you.

In the dream, the audience could see through your own “lens” or your own eyes. Seeing through your eyes and what you were filmmaking—they were able to critique and analyze how you viewed things and how you create.

The three Masters stood closer to the projection room. I remember two of the faces, but not the third one.

When it was my turn to film something, I began to do something unconventionally. I asked my subject, a male student to just sit there and turn his head ever so slowly so that the image of his faced would sweep the Lens without me moving the camera.

Initially, the camera was on a tripod, so I began to move the camera and used the tripod legs as a monopod. As I did this the camera was jerky and began to shake. I began to go Handheld.

I could hear the criticisms of the students and teachers behind me. But I was so absorbed in the movement and the moment that I did not stop. I did not judge myself nor did I care about being judged.

The scenes that followed through the Lens are too abstract for me to explain in words.

I only recall a lot of experimentation and unorthodox techniques that happened intuitively and spontaneously. This feeling of being unconventional or Taboo was very strong…and the atmosphere was extremely tense.

At first the students started to make remarks about it. But then one of the Masters (in fact, the most reputable one) criticized me and that was what pissed me off.

I stopped what I was doing and turned to the back of the room. I saw the Master near the film projector and said to him, “Mind your own business!”

The students gasped and couldn’t believe I talked down (or back) to their Masters. I could tell they that hoped I’d get in trouble or reprimanded for that.

But I felt as though someone needed to tell the Masters they are wrong—when they are. And I didn’t care what consequences came as result of that. I felt that if anyone needed correction, it was the Masters: because they are Responsible for the outcomes of their criticisms (not me). I did not judge myself—they did.

I returned to filming to see what else they had to say about it. The Master did not do or say anything to me…although I anticipated it; nothing happened.

In another part of the dream I was living on the floor of what seems to be a Macy’s or a department store building.

In my room, I was showing movies to my brother Khai. I would take breaks and go down to a Market that was a floor “or reality” that required an elevator ride.

The floor was, “A4” or “A” something.

Once I got to that floor, there were vendors everywhere. It was an indoor market—like open air markets in Asia and Europe.

This one in particular was an Asian market.

For whatever reason I enjoyed going to one Vendor in particular. She was an Asian woman who carried everything I needed.

I liked the fact that at her Station, very little was displayed: yet when you asked for any beverage or any food—she seemed to pull it out of somewhere; it was always stashed or stored somewhere. She was very Economical that way—and I liked it.

In a way I was testing her; because if she didn’t have something, I would go somewhere else. But every time I asked for something she had it; so there was no need for me to shop around.

So I would go down and ask for a beverage and she’d have it. I asked for fresh squeezed Orange Juice and she’d have it. I’d asked for an authentic Vietnamese or Asian dish and she’d have it.

I made numerous trips and would go back to my room and feed my brother.

That’s all I really recall. There are other events that occurred in that scene—but they are vague.

END OF DREAM

The first part of the dream is directly tied to the current project I’m working on, SPLICE, because in the documentary—my teachers were slicing and dicing me apart.

In the documentary, I was in the process of making a film that was deeply misunderstood.

I ended up making the film I wanted to make any way while in school; but it didn’t help that I had to stand up against my peers, my teachers and the world. As if it was not hard enough that I was tackling very difficult subjects: I did not need so-called “Masters”(my own teachers) or authorities to burden me.

I don’t feel sorry for myself or play victim when I address my annoyance of “Masters.”

I believe there are too many false Teachers in this world; and they are largely responsibility for Ignorance they interject into students.

Everything in life runs like a Religion: and it is every individual’s right to question their Belief in that system; not to be belligerent or egotistical—but to Reflect to the world its responsibilities.

If a Master tells you to jump off a bridge—you should. Because at the end of the Bridge could be your Self. The problem is that there is a difference between the Authority of an Authority Figure—and the Authority of the Master (of God essentially).

A true Master only cares about what is Best for you—and often no interest in what is in the best interest of the Master’s own Ego.

It is out of Compassion that a Master teaches. That is why there is no such thing as a Master in today’s world: there are only Ignorant Selfish people concerned about their own Position in life.

The Trust that a student (or disciple) has towards a Master should involve Reverence and Love; often Masters accept or preach that Trust from a place of Fear or Respect (resulting from Fear).

Respect cannot be earned without Love.

That is why I have never Loved or Respected the concept of a Master purely based on Popularity, Reputation or Status. That type of Respect is based on blind faith and debasement of Self. The only way people maintain that type of Respect is through the implementation of Fear; which caused people to weaken their own self-perception, feel insecure and to trust blindly.

This is why so many people operate from their Ego and Insecurities rather from Self Knowledge.

Throughout my life, I’ve been accused of Ignorance because I have no interest in Art or Film history per se. Often I am attacked for not knowing who a certain “Master” is—and “How you call yourself an Artist or Filmmaker…” etc “If you don’t know who that person is?”

My faith is in the Self and always has been. Essentially people ask me to deny myself when they say I need to find my Inspiration (or Faith essentially) in others.

We are preconditioned towards a Religion of Ignorance daily in life: to look outward for our happiness and sense of self—to always feel that Other people’s actions validate our inner Truth. And that could not be more wrong or backwards.

It’s this type of Insecurity and Ignorance that bugs me out. These Historical Predecessors are not my Masters and no one shall Master me based on Reputation alone.

I am very comfortable with criticizing the greatest of Masters because I don’t believe that they are clean and cleared from Opinion. I don’t believe they are Perfect—and if they were—they would be untouched by Opinion.

Today, people have so much Fear about everything.

The most Diseased aspect of this Fear is that so many people believe in Gods that do not exist: the God of Tom Cruise, the God of George Bush, the God of Oprah Winfrey, the God of Martin Scorsese, the God of the Pope, the God of the Super-rich…so on and so forth.

What is all this based on? Press Coverage, Mass Appeal…what exactly?

How dare anyone tell me what my Gods are? The saddest part is that people Mistaken Talent for Value or Quality.

When society absorbs these people as Gods; they also absorb the “Values” these people possess.

Where does Value come from? The only Absolute Value comes from Truth and Self Knowledge.

Look at Quentin Tarantino films: the guy is talented but his Values are based on the Toilet of the Unconscious, Infantile Bully-Complexes, Misogyny and fear of Women.

Look at Hitler…he was extraordinarily talented at killing people.

The way people “Protect” their Masters is total Idiocy to me. People who cling to them as Gods are stupid—because they refuse to Question their own God—to test themselves really.

They accept that any individual who gets a lot of Press, or is lain down in History Books is freed from Questioning.

History is Stagnation.

If you truly love your Master—you would not be affected by anyone’s opinion.

You see this all the time when people Fall in love. It doesn’t really matter if your parents, your friends or your therapists love the person—even if they are a douche bag.

Love does things like that; because God is in it; and God is untouched by affectations.

Someone who is a true Master cannot be touched by Opinion; because the Ego is Absent.

For this reason you can see how Offended people get when they talk about Religion. If you truly love any Master or any God—it doesn’t really matter who questions them or does not believe in them.

Out of this respect of your own Religion—you also Respect other’s Religion—because you are also untouched.

My dream last night Reflects the problem of Blind Faith. I think the second part of the dream is about Resourcefulness.