20060620

Friday

WORK

In the past weeks–I have been editing my film, SPLICE, in the “closet.”

I’ve been the closet for days now….and often, I do not sleep. I bring all my essential fluids into the room, close the door and not come out unless I have to use the bathroom.

Other than that, I’ve worked over 30 hours straight without getting sleepy or tired–and sometimes I would have to force myself to meditate in order to relax into a state of Exhaustion.

I feel ashamed that I’ve betrayed Nature:

I feel ashamed because I hear the Birds wake up at 4 in the morning (on the dot)–chirping away. Sometimes I hear them twice (two cycles of 4 a.m. mornings) and I imagine these birds thinking, “What is wrong with these humans? They are confusing me. They don’t sleep!”

I don’t like hearing the birds chirp twice.

I often have to remind myself that although my kundalini energy gives me an endless supply of concentration and vigor: I have to not betray nature, my body–and to have some respect for it because without it–I cannot do anything.

My healer Judith debated with me about my sleep habits from the first day she met me. I tried to convince her that I DON’T have “Insomnia”—that I am deriving unlimited energy supplies that allows me not sleep.

She knew I was a “Wood” type when she met me…so started to educated me about the Liver.

Finally, after three treatments she said, “Ji, it doesn’t matter when you sleep. The most important thing is to take care of your Liver. As long as you get enough sleep—sufficient enough to where you don’t feel tired—that’s fine.”

(BTW: in Chinese Medicine, the Liver is symbolic and part of a person’s typology)

I was quite impressed that she finally broke down and compromised with my 48-hour sleep cycle.

I only slept from 11 a.m. to 4 p.m. today. I could have worked more on the film, but thought I’d give my body a break.

So that is why today I decided to lie in bed all day.

People ask me “How was your weekend?”

I ask them, “What month is it?”

I go by months now, not days.

May, June and July…they pass like that, as though each month is a day. My “weekends” are quarters or seasons. My months are in years.

It’s not that there isn’t enough time in the day to get things done. Rather, when Time does not exist–there is never enough time.

My spiritual path has deepened immensely since the year I left New York (2007).

Miracles are happening to me–subtle, small and unseen. Things happen to me that fall neatly into place.

When I first moved back to Denver, I discovered a Nepali restaurant in my neighborhood.

I am telling you–it’s good shit.

I’ve eaten in a gazillion ethnic places in NY and explored all kinds of small communities in the triborough area. Turkish, Ukrainian, Afghani, Egyptian, Russian, Ethiopian, Persian, Israeli, Yemenite, Greek and all things Asian.

I have a fairly “learned” palette in terms of distinguishing fake, bastardized or badly prepared peasant foods (which is what all ethnic dishes are).

Early this week (or was it last?), I had lunch with Joseph at an amazing Indian restaurant in South Denver.

It was far from where I live.

Joseph lives super South and I live super North…so this location is right in-between us both.

We ended up eating there incidentally.

It’s located next to an Art House theatre. We were seeing a movie–so thought we’d have lunch first.

Turns out that their Indian food was fucking amazing.

They even have the pickled mango chutney–which a friend of mine (whose addicted to it) calls, “Freaky Gravy.”

It is pungent, sour, salty, spicy and ultra bizarre–a real acquired taste; very easy to take down if you eat it with meats (heavy protein) or dishes with heavy sauces.

It does a weird dance on your palette–like a Peace/War thing…and recompense in unity in your stomach.

Well, a weird thing happened.

A big Indian private party was going on. There were a lot of Indian families with kids all dressed in traditional outfits.

A woman smiled at me and I recognized her because she worked at the Nepali restaurant in my neighborhood!

Then, I said to the manager, “I know her!”

He then asked, “Oh, you eat at that restaurant? I’m the owner, I own this one too.”

Nepali people are the sweetest creatures roaming on earth. They are like the Bengalis, Thai and Laotians to me…such natural people.

He set a table for us further away from the party and accommodated us.

For whatever reasons, although I’m not actively looking for work, I asked him if he needed kitchen help. I told him I have cooking skills.

He mentioned that he happened to be opening another new restaurant not far from my mother’s neighborhood.

This guy has great humility.

He owns all these restaurants but is so sweet and simple.

He walks around in plain clothes with a white apron and can be mistaken for a dishwasher or prep cook.

There is nothing overly assuming about him and he’s so sincerely touched and thankful when you hand him a compliment. He receives it so well, I mean, it goes straight to his heart.

So rare to find human beings like this. I want to become just like him; or what I assume of him.

I don’t want to wear my chef’s coat or hat again.

I want to look like a dishwasher—a Kitchen Mama’… a person that doesn’t let Ego interfere with work: to always know what your Purpose is—and to not get sidetracked by Status or Image—even if you manage many people, own lots of things or are showered daily with praise.

I haven’t worked for a year because I don’t believe in it.

I spend the past year exploring this topic of Work, its meaning.

I’ve come to peace with it–I think I am ready to work. I feel energized by it.

Just a few weeks ago, I was offered an interview at a high-end chocolatier. It was the first application I sent out in 12 months—yet, after I got the phone call: I felt immediately drained.

My energy was fucked up and the night after—I had a Nightmare. I analyzed it and realized that it was all “Ego.”

I knew the timing was not right: that Work must come out of a very special place for me.

I can no longer work for Ego. Shakti forbids me.

Everything I do in life now: must be from a Selfless state…a free state; a place of motion.

For me, work is not about money. It is not about position. It is not even about survival.

More than anything, work cannot come from your Ego.

That’s why I stopped working.

I don’t believe in “doing something you love” because Work and Love cannot mix.

They are two separate things and once you involve them: it is like saying, “I want to marry a Prostitute.”

After you marry a Prostitute he or she becomes your husband or wife…and then you look for a Prostitute.

Today, in Industrial societies–there are no jobs, no real work. There is no allowance of involvement of Self in the work place.

That is why so many people choose to become Independent. But that doesn’t change things or fix the problem and I’ll explain why.

They may not realize that it’s based on a spiritual reason that they feel compelled to break out of the system.

Yet many people have not achieved real Individuality or Independence.

Instead, all they do is denounced One Factory to start a New Factory with which to deny other people of their expression or involvement with the Self.

In less developed countries or local communities: where people make things with their hands, cultivate and invent their own natural means of survival–that is true Work; that is Service and it also their Sadhana (ritual).

They work in movement with Human nature (their Nature), which brings the Self into communion with God.

In that state, people do not love “their jobs”—they love Work itself—no matter what it is.

They do not need the Church or a Preacher to elucidate meaning, because Work gives them everything they need to do as their path or purpose in life.

They do not over-identify, involve their Ego, or confuse the Self with their Material Responsibilities: which explains the cancer in industrial ages called “career.”

So there is indeed a Spiritual meaning to work but Industrial cultures denies this (primarily due to lack of self-awareness).

It does quite the opposite: the work system puts people in a perpetual state of bondage called Higher Education and Career.

It’s only when people get Fancy ideas in their heads—that they become Miserable; hence, Misery-Producing.

I’m not knocking being an Achiever or having higher goals.

Often what one perceives as “higher” lacks value therefore cannot be called a path towards success.

Success for the Ego is failure from the onset.

People who have achieved Success from this perspective are very miserable people.

They don’t realize they are miserable because the presumed “by-products” or evidence of Success (Money, Fame, or Position) keeps them intoxicated under an illusion of worth.

In Capitalistic society–Individuality is prized–yet is completely Absent.

Although a majority of Americans live, breathe and think Capitalistically, many mistaken Entrepreneurialism (sic.) for Individuality.

Capitalism and Individuality don’t mix.

As result of this, people invent the concept of “Doing what you love.”

They don’t realize that that statement is symptomatic of a disease that Capitalism (and Industrial systems) invented.

They also don’t realize that Love and Work don’t mix.

When people pursue “doing what they love,” all they are doing is putting the Self up for sale. Before they put up their Skills…and then in the next round, the put up their Self.

They are reapplying the same applications of Capitalism, only in a more brainwashed way. Suddenly it is not enough to get the job—but the job that you “love.”

Jobs can’t make you happy. Jobs do not experience Love.

Therefore Career will never give you purpose. It is the antithesis of purpose.

It destroys your connection to the Self because it feeds off Ego.

If you love something—that’s when you know you DON’T have a career: which is a Great place to be!

People arrive at that state of hunger (to “do something they love”)—as an Allergic reaction and cultural phenomenon that reveals how False the career concept can be; how dehumanizing Work can be in an industrial sense.

They say, “I love flowers”—I will sell flowers. I love “art” I will sell art.

If you sell something, you no longer love it. There is a contradiction.

If you love your children—would you sell them too?

The best way to deal with this is to NOT try to do what you love—but rather, to stop trying to Exploit yourself; the things you find precious.

Why would any one want to do what they love? They idea is crazy. Once you start making money off what you love—you are a Pimp, Hooker, Salesman or Broker.

Nothing wrong with it, but Admit it. Admit that it’s just “business as usual.”

But don’t put Love or (pleasure) into Business.

To “succeed” in a Capitalistic society: the system doesn’t care what you can invent. It only cares that you can Automate and be molded to fit the innovations of someone else’s successful entrepreneurial pursuits.

An Entrepreneur simply creates the Disease—and populates it through employment. Employment flowers and repopulates it as prerequisites of Higher Education. Higher Education populates it again in the form of Banks…and Banks begin to feed people Credit.

The word “Credit” is also funny because it fools you into thinking you are “Given” something. If the Banks said, here is your “Debt. Card” or “Prison Card” rather than your “Credit Card” would you still take it? Chances are: Yes, because the Norm is corrupt.

Out of these pollination processes, you now have what is the Industrial Garden: the Human Prison. That Prison becomes a Culture, a Community and Society that develop a worldview.

Children are born and raised under these so-called “values” of liberation and happiness based on Career.

After a very long time in their Adulthood–they discover the Truth: Too Little, Too Late.

Nine-year-olds are NOT supposed to have Mid-life crisis but they do. Their parents are too fucked up to realize that they caused it.

It is very difficult to un-fuck a childhood because Childhood is a Gift from God—it can be robbed—but it cannot be given or repeated. People who put “career” into their children’s minds really need to get their heads checked. We must not allow that value to become a norm.

Love of Self is something you cultivate from childhood and sustain through time. It is not something you pull out of a drawer 30 to 50 years later when you have a melt down.

Career is a human sickness. No one has it but humans. All things in life that are happy—do not have this disease.

Nature is totally free of it. Children used to be free of it. Adults used to be free of it too—until they became Automated parts of a dysfunctional socio-economic Dependency.

For me, I learned that I couldn’t live that way.

That’s why I understand the suffering in human existence: especially the justification for feelings of Suicide. It’s perfectly understandable that all this complexity in life is going to fuck with your emotions.

You’re meddling with Mother Nature.

Much of my experiences in life have done nothing but painfully wasted my time.

I feel that Society has a responsibility…to Not waste time.

There is no such thing as Mid-Life crisis–because when you were born into the world–the moment you took your first breath: that alone was already a Crisis.

Your Soul was ready to tackle “Mid Life” issue at birth—it wanted to avoid future meltdowns.

It already wanted to get to work–to get to the bottom of things; to fulfill its purpose. It already accepted that Life has a meaning when it came into existence…but the trouble is fighting to retain and sustain it.

Without dwelling further on this topic, I called the owner of the restaurant today and he asked me where I live.

It turns out that he lives in a Townhouse RIGHT BEHIND my mother’s house!

Holy Mother of Christ right?

Anyway, he seems like a VERY INTERESTING guy…and I’d love to work for him–wherever he might need me.

I don’t care to wash dishes, cut vegetables, cook, waiter or whatever.

I told him I need Part-Time work though–because of my film thing.

The other thing I have going is: for the first time in my life, I’m offering my filmmaking skills as a services to the general public.

I’ve never done that before–because I never really had an interest in making money off my skills or talents.

Many filmmakers think that if they are not working in Hollywood or its sister, Indie-wood, they are wasting their talents.

The opposite could not be truer.

I’d much rather give my talents to People and Life rather than to Industry.

It’s very important for me to get back to the roots and spiritual meaning of Work.

I want to break that mold of the concept Career—even if it pertains only to my individual life.

Career is the Biggest Lie ever known to mankind. People debate all the time about the Existence of God.

Why? God is real: Career is not.

People should question the Existence of Career.

Rather than finding a Cure for Cancer—why not find a Cure for Career (because Cancer is what it is)?

The working world is a joke.

You know, Life is very Simple—and if Work can be that way too; that’s the meaning of Success.