20080423

WEDS

PRO

To Bitch or Not to Bitch—that is the Question.

Here is the Answer:

Sometimes, when I’m flipping channels of TV stations—I hunger to watch a documentary or something very special—usually on the public broadcast channels.

But I’d often hit this “tourism” show by a guy that walks around Europe and elsewhere—babbling like a nerd. It is such a Snore!

I love learning about other countries and stuff; and like a stupid American—sit back on the armchair and travel the world virtually through TV; like a Boy that learns how to have sex through porn mags—yet never learns about Sex nor about how to love a woman.

But that show is sooooo badly Shot—that I can’t watch it. It is so dry and conventional. I often wondered what camera they were using—because even my cheap home camcorder takes much more vivid pictures.

Months and months and months went by—and I kept coming across this show in one way or another.

Then a Few days ago, I turned on the PBS station and saw interviews with the Cameramen and hosts. It was the behind-the-scenes, “making” of the show.

I sat there with my jaw dropping: these people were sitting around intellectualizing and talking about their “Craft” like they were making works of Art! I started to laugh because all along—I thought the show was such crap: but these people actually acted like they were producing Star Wars and tech-talking like they invented the Wheel!

LOL! I couldn’t believe it.

And then I laughed at myself.

I laughed at how funny the Ego is; it always thinks it’s hot shit.

For months I already knew that that’s probably how I sound when I blog—or when I write about stuff. My work never lives up to my intellect—or rather, the scope and depth of what I really feel or produce inside.

I couldn’t get over that these guys were actually Reflecting on every aspect of their “filmmaking” process as though it was interesting: So you stand in front of a fucking painting and you pan and left and right—and the host says, “This painting is XYZ from such and such an era”—what is so Intellectual about that?

“Oh, but it takes an extreme amount of consideration to make sure that that shot actually reflects the mood and feeling as though the viewer is standing in front of it…”

IT’S A PAINTING! WHAT MORE CAN YOU DO WITH IT? YOU PAN LEFT—YOU PAN RIGHT.

This Intellectualism is always the butt of a joke.

For this reason, I always do a double take when I’m sitting in a cafe analyzing films and “intellectualizing” with my friends. One part of me is the Ego—and the other part is my Self.

The Self observes how idiotic we sound…and I find Intellectualizing so offensive—yet I do it anyway.

I think there is a tremendous value in self-reflection and introspection; but I also think that the Ego is a funny thing. The Ego always thinks that when it speaks—it should be heard. And that everything that comes out of its Mouth is gold.

I see this happening in self-help TV shows too—where these “Zen” or so-called “Enlightened” buffoons talk like everything that comes out their mouth are Pearls. Yet you can see that they are so Egotistical—because they Never have a dialogue with the audience. That’s because all their “Enlightened” knowledge is scripted—not spontaneous—and does not really come from the Self, from the Soul.

For me, when I talk about my own Artistic processes—all I can really bank on is that what I write about what Excites me, Inspires me and what Frustrates me. But does my Work actually live up to my Ideas? Never.

I was once at the Denver Airport and they had artwork hanging up there. Next to it was a bio of the artist. The Artist was saying, “It means this and that and that and this” and I started to Laugh.

I laugh because I do the same thing.

I think the Ego is incredibly funny. It’s a joke.

The reason your Artwork never lives up to what you feel inside is because the Meaning is bigger than you are. You are always very small—very tiny before it.

Everything that an Artists produces barely touches a Fraction of what they really feel or want to communicate within.

The Goal for me—is to become a clear channel—to allow that process to really live itself out. That is not an easy thing to accomplish: because much of one’s barriers in life is caused by the Ego.

The Ego truly limits us as human beings—yet it’s always acting like it’s the Biggest and the Best. We do something mediocre—and we feel like Hot Shit—we get fascinated with the “magic of movie making” and develop a twisted fetishism of thinking everyone wants to learn about the inner workings of your “genius mind.”

LOL!

It’s entirely funny to me how the Self always gets the last laugh.

I’ve come to a place in my life now that I realize that no one really gives a shit about your work; about how you got there—about how you “put things together.” The only person really interested in it is You—and to be perfectly honest, that’s all that matters.

So that, when you start to get super Intellectual about the “behind the scenes” and inner workings of your mind: you’re not creating any fans out there—you’re just fooling yourself. It’s a type of mental masturbation that feels good—but never produces a true or lasting orgasm.

It cracks me up when you watch those “Celebrity Entertainment” shows—and people sit and mull through the shitty film they acted in—and pull out each little stupid event or process like they are pieces of Gold. To think that I literally Suffered watching these films—while during their involvement in it—they think they’re doing something provocative or important.

In each case, all people pull out of themselves is their Ego and expose it. Very rarely, do people actually pull out or reveal the Self.

I suppose in Layman’s terms, I am talking about Bragging and Bragging Rights.

There could be no greater Fool than oneself when one brags. The funny thing about Bragging is that you don’t know that you ARE doing it. And when you do it: you keep shrinking smaller and smaller—because you’re just exposing the Ego.

As the Ego Inflates: the Self deflates.

Hence, I have “themes” in my life—where each week, some philosophical insight would absorb and take over my life.

The theme this week is most definitely Humility—and what that might possibly mean.

Humility is actually not about making yourself “small” on purpose, being self-deprecating and lacking self-worth.

Ironically its the opposite: its about honoring your Self; it’s through an act of love that one restrains the Ego—and to let the Self pass through like a Queen… Humility is the “red carpet” of the Soul…she is Divine.

I cannot stand anything more than super Arrogant people who act “Humble” because they’re really stroking and masturbating the Ego—to get nursed with compliments.

Humility, like Grace, Joy, Love and Gratitude are spiritual properties that are very difficult gates for the Ego to pass.

Everyone can fake it in life—yet the only people they fool are themselves. Everyone knows when they meet a truly humble, graceful, happy and gracious person.

It’s so impressive to me that the best Artists in the world (whatever genre they’re in) have all the bragging rights—but rarely use it.

This is not to say that it’s wrong to discuss or analyze your work; I think there is a tremendous difference between Sharing, Expressing and Exploiting yourself.

I also think it’s very important to have “Perspective.” I mean: if an Idiot is asking you an Idiotic question—do you want to become an Idiot and answer it? When you answer it—you become Stupid and hate yourself for it.

Yet people Probe and Prod each other all the time—to pull out our Idiocy; and we get so upset—that we become Egotistical and puffed up with Pride. If you didn’t settle for Idiocy—there would be no need to Mask it!

I was helping my friend, who is a masseuse; design her new studio the other day. She kept saying to me, “Ji, you’re so smart, you are so smart” every time I made a suggestion. And I laughed.

I laughed because—who is she really talking to? When someone says that “You’re so smart”—do you know they are really talking about themselves?

You have to be a smart person to understand a smart suggestion. You have to be a beautiful to appreciate beauty. You have to be a generous person—to understand another person’s generosity.

How many times have we given smart advice to a stupid person and they disrespect it and treat us like we’re stupid? That’s because they are stupid. So a stupid person would never say, “You’re so smart”—instead, they’ll say “that’s a really dumb suggestion.”

So who is she talking to? Me or Her?

And that is why I laughed—because my Ego could take credit for it—but it can’t.

That’s what Humility means.

It doesn’t mean that you restrain yourself from being a pompous asshole—but you learn to laugh at yourself every time someone or something makes you feel “Good” or “Great.”

Please—it is all a game. If you figure out how the Ego plays people—you won’t ever be stuck in its bondage. The moment you get stuck in it: you will suffer tremendous pain.

All you will do your whole life is become a Slave to seeking acceptance and Praise. The Ego does this so that you will never See or Feel your Self; so that your Self won’t become a reality.

Every day for me has become a day of Observance. They must be because the Self must witness everything—in order to reveal its true nature. The more Genuine you become—that is to say, the more real the Self becomes—it will find ways to cut through the bull (the bondage).

Looking at yourself is such a painful thing at times—but it’s actually really Funny.